Reflecting on Acts 19-21

What do I do when God’s truth has backed me into a corner?

In my life right now, one of the biggest sources of frustration and anger is my workplace, regarding one relationship in particular. I’ve never felt so trampled, belittled, and disrespected by another person than this individual. Over the past few months, these are the thoughts that I have running through my mind: ‘No person deserves to be treated like this,’ ‘I have the right to work in a place where I and others are treated fairly,’ ‘At some point I won’t be able to stand by while this person treats others like he does, I’m going to snap.’

In my moments of clarity, I recognize that the root of all my concerns is what I believed I’m owed, what rights of mine that have been infringed upon. When these concerns are held up under the light of the Word, they wither. What am I owed in this life? What rights do I deserve?

The Book of Acts recounts the journeys of the apostles as they traveled throughout the Roman world, sharing the gospel of grace with everyone who would listen. The book is full of beatings, unfair trials, stonings, scourgings, unjust accusations and imprisonments, all endured by the apostles. They were often locked in prison cells, kicked out of community gatherings, dragged before city officials, or sneaking out of cities to avoid being murdered by enraged mobs. And yet despite all this, Paul was able to say in Acts 20:24, “But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” The apostles held to their certain hope in Christ, the one who overcame all powers of this world, the one who raised us all to new life with Him. In the face of every trial that was thrown in their path, they chose to believe God’s Word.

God my Father has given me everything. He raised me from death and placed me in His Son. He has given me all grace, all peace, all hope, all joy, all love. He has given me purpose. He has sealed me with His very Spirit. He has given me life. As I ponder my perceived needs at work, I am confronted with truth. I have no need that God has not met. And He, as my loving Father, promises to use trials and struggle to grow and mature me, faithfully transforming me into the image of His Son. My God is the God who has provided overwhelmingly all my needs.

Looking at it from every angle I can muster, this relationship at work is nothing but a blessing and a teaching tool. In light of truth, there is no room for whining or complaining about my situation. No matter how disrespected, offended, or furious I may feel, I must reckon with God’s truth. He has called me to love this person, to walk humbly before them. He has called me to represent Him to this person. He has called me to walk worthy of Him as I live each day He’s given me. By submitting humbly to these callings, the Father will be glorified.

“For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus,” Ephesians 2:6-7.

Backed into a corner by truth. How to respond? What other way is there? God’s Word is the only source of truth. I must obey. I should not be surprised or offended in the face of trials like this particular work relationship. I should welcome them joyfully, fully confident that my loving Father has allowed this into my life for His perfect purposes. I am imperfect and I will fail, but He is faithful, and He will not give up on me.

Lord, I believe your Word. Help my unbelief.

Reflecting on John 14-17 & Acts 16

The night Jesus was betrayed, He spoke of the certain suffering that was to come to those who chose to believe and follow Him. He also promised all comfort, peace of mind and heart, and victory. He spoke of our new identity, our new joy, and future glory. He spoke of the glory that would come to the Father when His disciples chose to walk in light of what was now true of them, in unity and truth. These certain promises brought hope and purpose to the disciples as they went out into the Roman world to preach the truth. Amidst unjust courts, prison cells, beatings, stonings and torture, the disciples walked in light of their new identity, bursting joy and certain hope of future glory.

Christ purchased my freedom with His life. He promises me all comfort, peace of mind and heart, and victory. He has given me a new identity, a new joy, and has promised future glory. And when I choose to walk in light of truth, He will bring glory to Himself through my life. All of this is astounding grace upon grace upon GRACE.

And yet like the prodigal son, I choose to squander my inheritance and eat with the pigs. In light of all Christ has given, “as a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness” (Prov 26:11). What a waste. What foolishness. Like I said before, Christ purchased my freedom with His life. “If the Son sets you free, you are truly free” (John 8:36). Praise God that He has nailed my sins to the Cross with His Son. He pours grace over my head unceasingly.

Oh my King, my Creator, my Father, my God, you’ve given me everything I could ever need to walk worthy of who you’ve made me. Forgive me, restore me. You’ve intended this little pathetic life of mine to be used for your purposes, not my own.

I look at the disciples. It’s easy to focus on the horrors endured for the Father, but I don’t think that’s the most important part of the stories. Through their lives, thousands upon thousands of lost souls were brought to light. They came to understand and believe that Christ has purchased their freedom with His life. They came to understand Christ’s promises of comfort, peace of mind and heart, and victory. They came to understand their new identity, their new joy, and their certain hope of future glory. And through such understanding the Father was glorified. And those souls now behold Him with their own eyes, and they rejoice even now before His glorious throne. And my hope is the result of them, of generations of believers choosing to believe His Word and having the faith to share their hope with a neighbor. Somewhere down the line of humanity someone shared their hope with me, and I came to understand the same truth.

So it’s time to stand up under His wondrous grace, and start walking in light of what is true. I know failure lies before me, because I know my heart. But God’s Word is true. In Him, there is only victory, joy and glory. I don’t want to waste this gift of life my Father has given.

Lord, I am humbled by Your grace. Thank you for not giving up on me. Teach my foolish heart.

Can I do anything else?

The Word of God declares that I am not my own, that I was bought at a price. My ambitions, my goals, my desires, my passion, my vision must be laid down.

Jesus Christ, the night before He laid His life down for mankind, fell on His face in prayer. He said, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, Your will be done.” Jesus looked outside Himself, to the Father, for purpose and direction. As a child of God, bought with Christ’s precious blood, will I now choose to look to Him for the purpose and direction my life should take?

Will I lay my life down? Jesus said, “Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.” Will I lose my life for His sake? Will I lose my life for His ambition, His goal, His desire, His passion, His vision? That is, that every man would come to know Him?

With all the authority on heaven and on earth, Jesus gave His Church her commission: “Go ye therefore and make disciples of all nations.” God’s heart has always been for every people on the earth, every tribe, tongue and nation, to have the opportunity to embrace His plan of salvation, the gospel of Christ’s finished work on the Cross on behalf of sinful man. God is not willing that any should perish.

The Church has received her commission. She has received clear orders. As a member of Christ’s body, am I expendable for the sake of my King and His purposes? Am I willing to LET GO of my life?

Jesus promised that the one who loses his life for His sake will save his life. Do I have a correct understanding of the incredible, overflowing, abounding, steadfast love of my God? 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear.” He draws me with cords of love. All He asks of me is faith. He told His disciples, “if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” For all things are possible with God. His power is perfected in weakness.

With a correct understanding of the incredible, steadfast love of God toward His children, we can now, with enormous confidence, lay our life down. We can take risks. We can embrace the unknown. We can move forward by faith without fear. Great is His faithfulness.

Again, the questions await answers.

Will I choose to look to Him for the purpose and direction my life should take?
Will I pursue His ambition, His goal, His desire, His passion, His vision?
Am I expendable for the sake of my King and His purposes?
Am I willing to LET GO of my life?

In light of what He has said, in light of His promises, can I do anything else?

Luke 24:47, “Repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in His name to all nations.”
Acts 1:7, “You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
Mark 16:15, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”
Matthew 28:19, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations.”
John 20:21, “As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”

God alone does the growing

I think I’m still in denial that it’s almost May. I’m excited to come home, but I just cannot believe that my time at New Tribes Bible Institute is almost half over. I often find myself in awe of the opportunity God has given me here. Studying His Word has been incredible and often quite earth-shaking.

For a long time my view of myself has been that of a fairly strong, confident, Christian young woman. God has been faithful to break that self image down over these last few months. My definition of maturity has had to change. Possessing knowledge in principle is not the same thing has possessing knowledge experientially. Biblical knowledge can only translate into maturity when it is tested by time and trial. I’ve learned many truths in principle at NTBI. As I walk with Him through time and trial, He will grow me. We don’t get to define maturity, God does.

What a fantastic truth to rest in. He is faithful to grow us. He simply asks us to walk day by day, moment by moment, decision by decision, according to the truths revealed in His Word. Philippians 1:6 says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” His faithfulness abounds.

For so long I’ve worried if spiritual fruit was being displayed in my life. As I’ve begun to understand the depravity of my own heart, I know that my flesh has tried to display its own ‘fruit’ to make myself feel better, to affirm my own actions, and to fuel my own pride. I’ve loved, shown joy, displayed peacefulness, and been kind to others purely for my own self gain. ‘Fruit’ of the flesh does not bless anyone but myself; it does not satisfy the soul like true fruit of the Spirit does. I pray that God continues to remind me that apart from Him I am detestable. I can stop worrying about fruit! His simple instruction for me is to walk humbly with Him, in accordance with His Word. Fruit of the Spirit is a natural, organic outflow of thriving in His truths as we live each day.

In Romans 12:1-2 Paul says, “I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” My inadequacy is overwhelming, but God is faithful to change our broken thinking. Good thing, because my thinking is very broken! :)

Thank you all who’ve been praying for the girls at the Salvation Army. My fellow students and I who facilitate our Bible study are always being stretched by our time there. The girls are such a blessing because through them God reminds us that we have to trust Him. If we are discouraged by the girls’ choices they’ve made or by the fact that we don’t see any results from our ministry, He commands us to trust Him. God, as our sovereign and faithful Provider, Healer and Sanctifier, will see to it that work is done in these girls’ hearts, in His own way and in His own time. We must trust Him and rest in the fact that He is in control and has these girls in the palm of His hand. Please continue to pray for them. If you’d like to know of specific areas of need in each girl’s life that you can be praying for, please send me an email.

I fly home on May 16th and my ACL reconstruction surgery is scheduled for May 21st. I am very excited to visit with all of you and since I’ll be laid up on the couch for a while, I’ll have plenty of time for visitors. ;) Thank you for your prayers and support.

God bless,

Abbey Smith

A Desperately Wicked Heart

Hello everyone! Sorry it’s been a while. There have been a few recent developments in my life.

As some of you may know, six week ago I tore my ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) in my left knee and will require reconstructive surgery. After counseling with NTM leadership, NTBI staff, and my parents I’ve decided the wisest decision is to go home this summer to have the surgery. Therefore Interface has been postponed until next summer, May-June 2011. Praise Him that He is eternally good regardless of the circumstances we may find ourselves in.

Thus far my sophomore semester has been incredible. The material from the Word we’ve been covering is both amazing and overwhelming. We worked through the Prophets and are now working through the Gospels. The life of Christ continues to expose and sharpen areas of my own life that need to be conformed to God’s way of thinking.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?” The Lord is faithful to reveal need in our lives. In class I’ve learned that throughout Christ's public ministry, He frequently confronted the wrong thinking of the Pharisees. The Pharisees believed that keeping the Law would warrant the righteousness God desired. They had bought into a lie. They failed to recognize the heart of the Law, which was to show man he would never achieve the righteousness necessary to enter the kingdom. If man recognizes the heart of the Law, the proper response is humility, recognizing his need to depend solely on the grace and mercy of a holy God.

As I read through these confrontations between Jesus and the Pharisees, I must ask myself, what lies have I bought into? Sure, what I’m deemed to be the big, obvious sins are for the most part absent from my life. But I’ve realized that I've simply traded in what I perceive to be macho, more noticeable sins for ones that are simply easier to hide. The malice I have toward my roommates whose behavior doesn't meet my standards, the envious desire for approval and recognition from my friends, the lustful thoughts I allow to run rampant and unyielding through my mind, or the self-righteousness that permeates my perception of my own conduct and attitudes... The list goes on. My heart IS desperately wicked. There is no end to the depravity of my own flesh. Sin is sin, and no sin is less impactful than another. So why do I live convinced that I'm an overall “good Christian”? The self-righteousness that filled the hearts and minds of the Pharisees overflows within my own heart and mind as well.

It is important in my walk with God to understand who I am before His Holiness; that without Christ's blood I stand condemned. At the moment I stepped out in faith in the grace of God through Christ's sacrifice, God declared me righteous. Having been redeemed, I can now engage in a personal relationship with Him, walking day by day with Him in fellowship. Though my depraved flesh remains, I've been given a new nature through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I can choose to walk according to the truth of His sweet Word and therefore have fellowship with Him.

As I said before, He is faithful to reveal need in my life and I can attest from experience that this is true. The sin I mentioned earlier I cannot conquer on my own. Yet again God desires me to respond in humility and dependence on Him, resting on His overwhelming grace and mercy. I believe God uses failure to remind us that apart from Him, we are incapable and helpless. Through HIS might and power, not my own, I've been given full assurance of victory over the flesh. Praise God! His goodness is overwhelming.

My prayer for myself and those who read this is that we would choose to live according to the truths revealed in His Word, without missing the heart of God's instructions for godly living. He wants us to recognize our need and respond to His promises of peace, mercy, compassion and understanding. May our lives be characterized by humility and dependence on the God who is our Refuge, our Rock, our Redeemer and Savior.

- Please continue to pray for the girls in our Bible study at the Salvation Army. I believe that God is at work in the lives of the girls who have been coming for a while! Praise God that they are asking questions, working through areas of confusion in their theology, and starting to understand how Christ fits into their day to day life. There have been many new girls coming, who are all an answer to prayer, but several of them have recently discovered that they are pregnant. Please pray for wisdom for us and the girls during this time. Please pray that we would not be tempted to treat their lifestyle symptoms as the problem, but instead reach out in love and compassion to these girls whose souls are still lost. The girls who have been attending our Bible study fairly regularly are Cheyanne, Nichole, Kierstyn, Courtney, Nikay, Kayla, Amanda and Shelby.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

God Bless,

Abbey

The journey is the destination.

After a fantastic month at home, I now find myself back in Jackson, Michigan. I had such a great time meeting and chatting with my church family at ERCC. The more I learn and grow here at NTBI, the evermore grateful I am to call ERCC my church home. ERCC not only knows how to genuinely love people, but in His name is purposefully sharing that love with the Renton Highlands community. Love you all!

As some of you may know already, I was officially accepted onto the Interface team for this summer. I praise God for the opportunity to learn more firsthand about tribal mission work.

In many ways, the prospect of Interface is terrifying to me. I’m not going to merely experience the life and culture of a Papua New Guinean. I’m going for the opportunity to explore a future in missions. A future in missions! Me? Who am I to even entertain such a calling? Here at school I’ve had a lot of time to analyze the ludicrous possibility of my being a vocational missionary. Could I, the stereotypical middle class suburbia American, leave behind my family, language, culture, and country and submerse myself into a foreign culture for years? Most tribal cultures are animistic—what will my eyes be exposed to? How will I raise the support to stay overseas? If I’m single—how will I go at it alone? How can I maintain the energy and drive to invest in relationships with people I have absolutely nothing under the sun in common with? How will I accomplish all the work pertaining to whatever position I find myself in, all the while trying to find time to spiritually feed my soul to be able to persevere through whatever loneliness, culture shock, or discouragement I encounter?

Let me switch gears for a moment. During my first semester at NTBI I took classes on the Pentateuch and Old Testament History. The lessons learned in these two classes are many. One lesson, however, continues to reverberate in my mind. Man accomplishes nothing on his own; only through God is anything good ever accomplished. Did Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Joseph, Rahab, Gideon, David or Josiah accomplish anything righteous by their own power? Absolutely not. Isaiah 64:6 calls all our self-willed and self-sustained righteous deeds filthy rags. This in mind, why don’t we live convinced that God is exactly who He says He is?

Our God is the one true God, Lord of all. He keeps His promises. He warns His people of trouble. He communicates with His people through His Word. As a wise and loving Father, He rebukes and disciplines His children. He teaches His people. He desires our hearts. He hears our prayers. He is all-knowing and all-powerful. He is faithful. (All these truths were gleaned from 2 Kings 17-19.) My God is clearly worthy of my trust and His purposes are undoubtedly worth giving my life for.

The more I learn at NTBI, the more I realize the gap between God’s expectations for me and my ability to meet them continues to widen. What is the answer to all the worries regarding a life in tribal missions I mentioned earlier? It’s simple: I cannot do it. Never could, never will. It is God who will accomplish His purposes, not me. I can do nothing by my own power, but fortunately I have a solid Rock on which to place my faith.

Where will this life lead? What is my purpose? What does my future hold? I have absolutely no idea. God simply asks me to walk in fellowship with Him. For the believer in Christ, the journey is the destination.

This semester I look forward to learning more about what ‘walking with God’ means. At NTBI I’ve been privileged with the incredible opportunity to develop an irreducible core set of Biblical beliefs. I desire for the ideals and values I hold in higher importance than anything else to be founded on the Word of God. I praise Him for His faithfulness!

Please pray for this Interface opportunity. There is still much preparation to be done and much support to be raised.

Please also continue to pray for the girls at the Salvation Army. Pray that God’s truth infiltrates their hearts and minds and transforms their attitudes and actions. We’re hoping to get them plugged into a church body soon. Please pray that we will be able to find a church that is founded on the Word of God and is within walking distance for us and the girls to attend.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

God Bless,

Abbey Smith

His faithfulness abounds...

Hello everyone,

I sat in class today thinking about the fact that it is already November 4th. Only another month and a half left of this semester! I was reminded of the importance of pouring every bit of energy and focus into my classes. I cannot believe how fast time has flown.

Classes continue on. My Pentateuch class will be complete at the end of this week and my Hermaneutics class will be finished soon as well. I look forward to my next classes, Old Testament History and Proverbs.

What a blessing the study of the Pentateuch has been. God’s overwhelming faithfulness and glory leap out of the pages of all five books. The same God that led a great nation out of Egypt and through the wilderness with a pillar of fire and split the Red Sea in two and delivered great nations into Israel's hands and rained manna out of the sky and made water flood out of a rock to satisfy millions-- He is the same God we serve today! He has not changed. Glory and honor are due to Him alone.

I’ve always associated the nation of Israel and their documented history in the Old Testament with the Law. Yes, under the old covenant they were indeed under the Law. However, we recently read through the beginning of Isaiah 40 in Hermaneutics.

Read Isaiah 40:15b-17…

(15b) Behold, He lifts up the islands like fine dust. (16) Even Lebanon is not enough to burn, nor its beasts enough for a burnt offering. (17) All the nations are as nothing before Him, they are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless.

Isaiah is saying that if every tree in all of Lebanon was cut down and piled high to prepare a burnt offering for the Lord and then if every beast in the whole of Lebanon was slaughtered and placed upon that offering, it would not suffice. God is so mighty, worthy, and majestic that even the monstrous offering described in Isaiah 40:16 would not be good enough. The fact that God allows for the Israelite’s measly offerings of a single dove or calf as described in Exodus and Leviticus is a demonstration of God’s incredible grace. God’s grace amidst the Law! He extended His people grace then, and He extends us grace under the new covenant as well. He is faithful to His people. Just as Israel proved herself unworthy of God’s grace, love and faithfulness time and time again, how unworthy we are also. He is so good to us.

Looking to read a fantastic demonstration of God’s unending faithfulness? Read Deuteronomy chapters 1-6. What a mind-blowing God we serve.

In regard to the prayer requests listed on my last entry, I have decided to apply for the Interface trip next summer. You can read more details about the trip in my previous entry, but the trip entails eight weeks in Papua New Guinea taking classes and exploring vocational missions.

- Please pray for wisdom and an open mind as I move forward in this Interface venture. I want my heart and mind to be open to God’s leading.

Another prayer request:

- The bible study continues at the Salvation Army. Last week some of the girls had a breakdown of sorts. They came to us in tremendous anger because we had been absent from Bible study a few weeks prior on account of a school trip. After talking to them for a while, the true issue was exposed. Everyone in their lives has left them at one time or another. Nichole, our newest believer, isn’t even living with her family anymore. They accused us of the abandonment that will occur when we graduate from NTBI. They believe we will leave them and continue on in our lives. This past weekend we had a Halloween sleepover with them and I believe some relational-repairing happened there, but please continue to pray for these girls. Please pray that they will come to a full understanding that God alone is worthy of their faith and trust. No person on this earth can provide a faithfulness that compares to God’s. Please pray for comfort, growth and maturity in each one of them. Please also pray that they would be encouraged to bring friends, which could open up more opportunities to share the Gospel. (There are pictures of the girls in my Facebook album titled, “Shake Loose,” just in case you want to put a face with the prayer request.)

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement.

God Bless,

Abbey Smith