A Desperately Wicked Heart

Hello everyone! Sorry it’s been a while. There have been a few recent developments in my life.

As some of you may know, six week ago I tore my ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) in my left knee and will require reconstructive surgery. After counseling with NTM leadership, NTBI staff, and my parents I’ve decided the wisest decision is to go home this summer to have the surgery. Therefore Interface has been postponed until next summer, May-June 2011. Praise Him that He is eternally good regardless of the circumstances we may find ourselves in.

Thus far my sophomore semester has been incredible. The material from the Word we’ve been covering is both amazing and overwhelming. We worked through the Prophets and are now working through the Gospels. The life of Christ continues to expose and sharpen areas of my own life that need to be conformed to God’s way of thinking.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?” The Lord is faithful to reveal need in our lives. In class I’ve learned that throughout Christ's public ministry, He frequently confronted the wrong thinking of the Pharisees. The Pharisees believed that keeping the Law would warrant the righteousness God desired. They had bought into a lie. They failed to recognize the heart of the Law, which was to show man he would never achieve the righteousness necessary to enter the kingdom. If man recognizes the heart of the Law, the proper response is humility, recognizing his need to depend solely on the grace and mercy of a holy God.

As I read through these confrontations between Jesus and the Pharisees, I must ask myself, what lies have I bought into? Sure, what I’m deemed to be the big, obvious sins are for the most part absent from my life. But I’ve realized that I've simply traded in what I perceive to be macho, more noticeable sins for ones that are simply easier to hide. The malice I have toward my roommates whose behavior doesn't meet my standards, the envious desire for approval and recognition from my friends, the lustful thoughts I allow to run rampant and unyielding through my mind, or the self-righteousness that permeates my perception of my own conduct and attitudes... The list goes on. My heart IS desperately wicked. There is no end to the depravity of my own flesh. Sin is sin, and no sin is less impactful than another. So why do I live convinced that I'm an overall “good Christian”? The self-righteousness that filled the hearts and minds of the Pharisees overflows within my own heart and mind as well.

It is important in my walk with God to understand who I am before His Holiness; that without Christ's blood I stand condemned. At the moment I stepped out in faith in the grace of God through Christ's sacrifice, God declared me righteous. Having been redeemed, I can now engage in a personal relationship with Him, walking day by day with Him in fellowship. Though my depraved flesh remains, I've been given a new nature through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I can choose to walk according to the truth of His sweet Word and therefore have fellowship with Him.

As I said before, He is faithful to reveal need in my life and I can attest from experience that this is true. The sin I mentioned earlier I cannot conquer on my own. Yet again God desires me to respond in humility and dependence on Him, resting on His overwhelming grace and mercy. I believe God uses failure to remind us that apart from Him, we are incapable and helpless. Through HIS might and power, not my own, I've been given full assurance of victory over the flesh. Praise God! His goodness is overwhelming.

My prayer for myself and those who read this is that we would choose to live according to the truths revealed in His Word, without missing the heart of God's instructions for godly living. He wants us to recognize our need and respond to His promises of peace, mercy, compassion and understanding. May our lives be characterized by humility and dependence on the God who is our Refuge, our Rock, our Redeemer and Savior.

- Please continue to pray for the girls in our Bible study at the Salvation Army. I believe that God is at work in the lives of the girls who have been coming for a while! Praise God that they are asking questions, working through areas of confusion in their theology, and starting to understand how Christ fits into their day to day life. There have been many new girls coming, who are all an answer to prayer, but several of them have recently discovered that they are pregnant. Please pray for wisdom for us and the girls during this time. Please pray that we would not be tempted to treat their lifestyle symptoms as the problem, but instead reach out in love and compassion to these girls whose souls are still lost. The girls who have been attending our Bible study fairly regularly are Cheyanne, Nichole, Kierstyn, Courtney, Nikay, Kayla, Amanda and Shelby.

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

God Bless,

Abbey